The Happy Couple for the Happy Place
The Happy Couple or the Unhappy Couple – Studies repeatedly show this is a critical factor in our health.
There are very few of us who don’t know that out of control feeling of a distressed relationship airlifting all of our emotions & infiltrating our every thought process, aka – stewing.
Happy Couple? There are endless jokes of nagging, spousal henpecking…..the fact is the toll of a stressful relationship ranks up there with other poor lifestyle habits. Heart disease is our #1 killer, and is the #1 killer of women – killing 4X as many women as breast cancer, striking women more and more below the age of 45.
Multitasking is now a survival skill, and has become yet another deadly lifestyle habit of our toxic environment like fast food, smoking, sedentary behavior. Our relationships are caught in the crossfire from the barrage of demands, potentially leading to high blood pressure, gastric distress, poor eating habits, lack of concentration , adrenal fatigue, sleep deprivation- or picking up other nasty hazardous habits. All of these are gateways for chronic illnesses.
Howard J. Markman, Ph.D. is a Professor of Psychology of the University of Denver and the Co-Director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, one of the leading couples research center in the country. He is one of the most respected couples researchers and couples therapists in the country. Dr. Markman is internationally known for his cutting edge work on the prediction and prevention of marital distress and divorce and on research based relationship and marriage education and therapy programs. He is the founder of PREP (Prevention and Relationship Education Program), the most widely used, scientifically validated couples relationship education program. . His programs are used around the world (e.g., Norway, Germany, Israel, Estonia, Sweden) including in the U.S. Military, supporting the men and woman fighting for our country and their families
According to Dr. Markman “Nagging is an enemy of love, if allowed to persist,”
Nagging, one person repeatedly making a request, the other person repeatedly ignoring it and both become increasingly annoyed—is an issue creating huge confrontation & relationship stress. While nagging provokes chuckles and eye-rolling, this dynamic can potentially be as dangerous to a marriage as adultery or bad finances. Experts say it is exactly the type of toxic communication that can eventually sink a relationship. Dr. Markman published in the Journal of Family Psychology research indicating that couples who became unhappy five years into their marriage had a roughly 20% increase in negative communication patterns consistent with nagging, and a 12% decrease in positive communication.
Marcie Pregulman is the co-founder and President of Love Your Relationship. She has been a relationship coach for the last 6 years helping couples and individuals meet their relationship goals over the telephone. Marcie is a member of The University of Denver Psychology Department. She is a PREP trainer and leads workshops throughout the world along with Dr. Markman teaching couples research based skills to help and enhance their relationships. According to Marcie, people divorce prematurely (and about 90% of those have not received help from a mental health professional and of those 10% many of those services were not evidence based services) and there is research to suggest that couples that stay together through the problems are happy in the long run that they did.